Apr. 11th, 2011

webcowgirl: (flower)
This was such a great weekend that I'm hoping I can make it my "Groundhog day" and just do it over and over, or preserve it in amber so I can enjoy it at my leisure.

Friday was Pinter's Moonlight at the Donmar Warehouse with [livejournal.com profile] dreamsewingmiko. Not only did I get a really engaging, intelligent play, but I got four hours with someone who's company I really enjoy. Lots of girlie bonding time and catching up and discussing plans for the future, like the Jerez flamenco festival and that trip to Patagonia I'm dreaming of (after seeing the article in the New York Times). On top of it we had Mexican food at Lupita and then gelato at Scoop, and the weather was amazing.

Boat on banks of River Stour, Fen Bridge in the background (n... on TwitpicAmazing weather was the theme for the weekend as [livejournal.com profile] shadowdaddy and [livejournal.com profile] wechsler and I went to Colchester (awesome ruined monastery!) to canoe on the River Stour with Nomad Sea Kayaking. Not only did we get a lovely paddle on the river (with flowers blooming everywhere!), we saw some gorgeous country, literally right out of (or in) Constable paintings, and we had so much fun afterwards we went and took a walk down the banks of the same river, from the Dedham boat house to the Fen Bridge to the town of Dedham. It was a gorgeous little wool town that looked like a movie set. Then it was taxi to Colchester, nap to London, taco making and Alhambra. Really, it was such a nice, nice day and evening.

Sunday was London time, starting with the recording of the "As Yet Unnamed London Theater Podcast" that I'm getting involved in. It was nice talking shop about shows with people that I mostly know, and much easier (if less social) than meeting up in a pub. Then it was off to the Southbank for the London Chocolate Festival with [livejournal.com profile] exedore. We had a nice visit with each other and wound up sitting around in the sun doing nothing at the Victoria Embankment besides admiring the tulips and talking BS - we both had time to kill before seeing our next people of the day. I tried (once he left) to squeeze in the "British Art in the Age of the Comet" at the Hayward, but either it wasn't very exciting or the sun was just too awesome for the gallery to compete.

Beautiful wisteria covered house in Dedham #fb on TwitpicAt any rate, next stop was Euston to pick up Lisa Crispin, a very nice lady I met at a testing conference last year. I took her and her husband to the Wellcome Collection to see the Dirt exhibit, which was a nice collection of narrative, medical specimens, literature, and some nice fresh art (includingn a piece by Bruce Nauman). I thought it was fairly thought provoking but am afraid I had to rush through the last room due to running out of time! Then we headed over to Angel to see the puppet theater version of the Tempest they're doing in conjuntion with the Royal Shakespeare Company. People, do not be mistaken: this is not a puppet show, it's a cut down version of the Tempest with world class actors that just happens to have puppet versions of Ariel and Caliban (most appropriate ways of depicting them, I think). Tickets are only £12 and it's a STEAL at the price, I tell you, a STEAL. Buy yourself some tickets while they're still available and go go go. I think it's probably suitable for 8 and above (it's about 90 minutes long, no interval) - I haven't had time to write my review up yet but I was embarassed by how little I paid.

I forgot to mention: we ran into a pirate while we were canoe... on TwitpicAnd then it was home and a nice long chat with my new roomie and dishes and laundry and MAN I was tired. What a great weekend it was though! I had fun, I was happy, all my self doubt and self loathing were nowhere to be seen ... Where is the amber that it's hidden in? All I have is a few photographs ... but at least I can share them with you. Just imagine our terror as this pirate-captained boat bore down on us as we headed upstream ... yes, the weekend was just that fun.
webcowgirl: (Tiger monkey)
So I asked my therapist where we were going today. I said I'd told him everything I really thought there was to say about me, about what made me me, and that I was trying to figure out what maladaptive behaviors I might have, but looking at the book I couldn't find any. I certainly didn't find myself attracted to abusive partners or trying to make my partners abusive so I could "recatch those childhood highs;" similarly I didn't think I sought out partners who were cold so I could relive my childhood rejection from my parents.

He said he thought I might have a bit of a problem with the abandonment thing, but I went over my situation as it stands, and it's not some kind of "oh this really stable relationship here, I just keep fantasizing it's on the verge of collapse" kind of thing, and he seemed to agree that, while I certainly feared and greatly wished to avoid abandonment, it wasn't really something where we were looking at maladaptive behaviors.

He said I also seemed to show a certain amount of emotional flatness, which I find funny in a way - I think I really enjoy my ups and don't surpress my emotions at all.

He then said that, as near as he could tell, I didn't seem to be doing things that would drive people away. I said I thought being depressed drove people away, because they just doing like to deal with it or hear about it. He agreed, then said, "Are you depressed? Because if you are you've been hiding it really well." And I said, "Well, you know, I always come here after Pilates, and I'm always in a good mood afterwards!" But I added that I feel like I've been feeling better and more stable the last four months, no due in part to more stability externally/emotionally (J not being mad at me anymore, mostly, and, you know, things being more settled with my best friend). I'd been having a hard time getting out of bed to go to work in the morning, but that seems to be as much about there being nothing to do at work as anything else.

He then said he felt like I mostly dealt with him as a rational adult who is working on adaptive coping strategies and trying to work to make a better life and self, but that he doesn't see much of the "child" me. And I said, well, it's there, but I am not usually in that headspace between 9 and 10 PM on Mondays; I'm in a "let's look at this and see what we can do to make it better" mode. I partially came here because I wanted friends I could be real with; and I have them; and I can be myself, in all of the highs and lows and ups and downs and rational and "Oooh, look, a giant chocolate bunny!" as the mood takes me, and they're okay with it. Well, some of them are, and the ones that aren't have slowly been dropping away.

And, well, I'm going back next week, and I suspect I'll go a few times in May, but mostly it feels like after tonight there's not much more for schema therapy to do for me. And the happiness program has been fairly well successful and I'm looking forward to going back to having a few more nights for Pilates and a little more cash in pocket.

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