webcowgirl: (Tiger monkey)
[personal profile] webcowgirl
We started by checking in on the question of emotional impact. Am I aware of the impact what I say and do has on others? Am I aware of the impact it has on my counselor? I told him I tried to talk to him honestly but not think about how he feels about what I say to him, as I expect him to want some personal space where he can think and feel what he wants. He again asked me if I felt I could trust him. I'm not sure why he's been asking that so much ...

We talked about me taking care of other people and being concerned about their feelings, but maybe not having people who are similarly "mothering" me. (I am definitely feeling the lack of a best friend in my life, someone who just "gets" me and who has an infinite capacity to hang out with me and enjoy my company.) He said I need to spend some more time getting to know the "little cowgirl" (if you know my name) and figuring out what her emotional needs are. He said I have managed to be very successful in the adult arenas but I may be leaving my "child needs" behind.

I said I didn't see what the point was of getting clearer about what I think I "need" when I'm not going to get it.

We also discussed figuring out if I had maladaptive behaviors.

Anyway, I was pretty tired then and I'm tired now. I'm not sure what to say about the counseling in general tonight. I guess we laid out a plan for what we're doing for the next couple of months.

Date: 2011-03-22 10:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lovelybug.livejournal.com
Getting to know your 'inner child' gets a bit of a knee-jerk negative reaction from me, maybe because it seems too defined - do we have lots of personalities in us, or is it a bit less clear cut than that? Also, seems too easy to say 'not feeling better? aah, you've still not really hooked up with the needs of your inner child'. That said, if a lot of tough stuff stems from childhood it seems sensible to try and work out what emotional stuff you were missing then, to see if that's stuff that you crave the most now. What sort of things are 'child needs'? Unconditional love seems like an obvious one.

Thanks for writing! Made me think :)

Date: 2011-03-22 11:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] webcowgirl.livejournal.com
I think some of my "child" needs are to feel safe, secure, and protected - being loved is another one of them, being treated like I matter is another - this "emotional deprivation" thing keeps coming up but I don't see it as a thing that "knowing about" fixes, I think it will just make me sound awfully whiny. Which I kind of do sometimes anyway.

But, "inner child," that's so lame, I see myself as far more of a unified being than that!

Date: 2011-03-23 11:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eglantinedreams.livejournal.com
I kicked against all the inner child stuff at drama school. I did knw full well that it was because I felt uncomfortable about it and that discomfort was hiding a lot of stuff I didn't want to admit to, or allow myself to do. Most of it was through fear of being ridiculous/ridiculed.

I've become more comfortable being a child now than I was in my real childhood. It is oddly freeing, but it was hellish getting there. Childlike and childish are very different things- tapping into and exploring/allowing yourself to be childlike isn't whiny.

Not sure where I was going with that. I swear it was improtant Bit tired, sorry.

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April 2011

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